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ilyimy

by Sad China

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1.
hum人n 03:52
ah ah ah ah, yeah (in Mandarin) 3, 2, 1 I was a girl & now i’m a hum人n! i used to spin in the rain what a mess what a mess i never came ever since we were small 像天使/xiàng tiānshǐ/like angels fed us lies, in our heads 都看不到/dōu kàn bù dào/they can’t be seen i was a girl & now i’m an animal! if this is luv then i don’t want none if this is luv then show me what you’re made of don’t wanna be always on the run just wanna kiss just wanna kiss & hug ah ah ah ah 我也是人/wǒ yěshì rén/i’m also a human we are the chosen blood (i’m a human) we’ll show you what we’re made of (我也是人) between the realms we’ll make you proud you know our ancestors they’re watching over us they guide us home among the stars u can do this u can do this u’ll get thru this u’ll get thru this u can do this u can do this u can do this u’ll get thru this u’ll get thru this u can do this (in Mandarin) 3, 2, 1, 0 don’t wanna be ur perfect one just wanna be belong & love
2.
VirgoVenus<3 03:53
i wanna be i wanna be better I wanna be better i wanna be i staple my staple my heart back together, yeah i will survive i will survive, no matter the weather don’t cry for me don’t die for me even on bad days live ur life for me (even on bad days) i wanna be i wanna be better i wanna be i wanna be better 我想/wǒ xiǎng/i want to 我想来变强/wǒ xiǎng lái biàn qiáng/i want to come get stronger 想来变强/xiǎng lái biàn qiáng/wanna get stronger 我想/wǒ xiǎng/i want to 想发光更亮/xiǎng fāguāng gèng liàng/want to shine brighter 想发光更亮/xiǎng fāguāng gèng liàng/want to shine brighter you are a star and i am the sun revolving with each other’s fun i wanna be i wanna be better i wanna be i wanna be better staple my staple my heart back together i still believe i still believe in us green lights forever bolder, wiser harder, tougher cooler, calmer tender bolder, wiser harder, tougher cooler, calmer tender Together
3.
ilyimy 03:54
patience im learning to be patient with my heart, and with the ones i luv the most feel gotta feel my feelings instead of self-destructing to restore we waited an eternity it seems but good things come to those who wait (those who wait) we gave each other room to breathe and dream well good things come to those who wait So i’ll wait for u trust me to take care of u even when it’s hard to do cuz i wanna trust u too (trust u too) we waited an eternity it seems but good things come to those who wait (those who wait) we gave each other room to breathe and dream but good things come to those who wait im watching ur stories still liking ur bad tweets just to feel close to u cuz i love u and i miss u! it’s been a while now almost 2 yrs have gone by now when can i come over? (ilyimy) I love u I miss u I love u can i come over now? i know we used to look for luv in all the wrong places dark places but for us, it’s a new beginning U can do it all again
4.
(Sad China) gotta sleep all night Just to dream Then the sunshine, yeah It’s another day I wanna dream when im awake Sky so bright Yeah, another day Little things In our lives Make us smile Make us cry It’s the little things That we living for (Khamisa) Love and light in my life Flashing in and out of sight sometimes The universe taught us to fight Yet flows us easily when the time is right (the time’s right) The temperatures rising there's no compromising I cant stay hiding from the world I like, and I like Little things In our lives Make us smile Make us cry It’s the little things That we living for (Adewolf) You see I live to die another day Smoking on the j then I catch a wave Into a king, started from a slave Prayer emoji for the little things Only love is the menu Sun is hella yellow Baby don't u ever let me go and you know that heaven only knows Another day, another episode Little things In our lives Make us smile Make us cry It’s the little things That we living for Lately i’ve been stressing Every other day, another issue i’m addressing Then i feel the sun caressing I’m loving my little blessings (little things, yeah)
5.
addicted to myself i think i need some help watching the numbers going up (going up) i shouldn’t equate that with love (with love) but i do im rly fucked up i can’t see ur face so i keep posting oh i keep posting can u hear me? (你可以听懂我吗/nǐ kěyǐ tīng dǒng wǒ ma?) can u hear me? can u understand me from this tiny screen can u hear me? can u see me? do u see what i want u to see? touching up my face smile for the cyberspace with strangers staring back at me typing, tapping endlessly im alone in 2021 time disappears so quickly but i keep posting can u hear me? can u hear me? can u understand me from this tiny screen can u hear me? can u see me? do u see what i want u to see? (what i want u to see) interlude (Kerub) every time my fone lands in my hand ur name, ur ring shows up in green bubbles i read abt wut u do i see ur face thru a filter every time i tap in too oh i wanna stop being so narcissistic who cares what we look like when we’re being ourselves instead of online people come and go it still hurts to know u read my msg and won’t reply i’m listening for vibrations from the other room yeah, i’m listening
6.
these days, there are no kings anymore where im from no kings but they still colonize (kkk) we settled near the lost creeks of “vancouver” on stolen lands U claimed stolen names do i remind u of the porn u jack off to do i remind u don’t make anymore broken promises it’s violence we don’t want what ur selling us just me and my lorazepam in case i need them the ghosts of sick men haunt me on every corner of Mt. unPleasant do i remind u of the porn u jack off to? do i remind u do i remind u of (it’s violent) the porn u jack off to? (it’s violence) do i remind u?
7.
(Sad China) 肏/cào/fuck the model minority Nobody tell me how i wanna be 我的祖先可以看到你/Wǒ de zǔxiān kěyǐ kàn dào nǐ/my ancestors can see you Girlboss gatekeep, embarrassing Ah ah, yea Be kind, be kind, be kind R-e-s-p-e-c-t Me, my family, and mine I’m a natural born leader Self-fulfilling behaviour I’m manifesting my future 我相信一步登天/wǒ xiāngxìn yī bù dēng tiān/i believe each step leads to heaven Listen up, 听我/tīng wǒ listen to me (hey) I’m a born leader, i work well with a team, yeah Don’t play me Or gaslight me, u freak My memory’s 100 even when i smoke weed Ah ah, yea Be kind, be kind, be kind R-e-s-p-e-c-t Me, my family, and mine I’m a natural Born leader Self-fulfilling behaviour I’m manifesting my future 我相信一步登天/wǒ xiāngxìn yī bù dēng tiān/i believe each step leads to heaven (yukari*) making my way (my way, my way) i'm tired of regulations i'm going to do it my way (my way, my way) 規則はない、複雑な世界はいらない/kisoku wa nai, fukuzatsu no sekai wa iranai/no rules, no need for a complicated world so follow my lead, we can touch the sky We are natural Born leaders Self-fulfilling behaviour we manifesting our future N, B, L yeah, we are natural born leaders Let us lead ya to water We are natural believers... dreamers healers
8.
Toxic, yeah community over competition Solidarity’s not a perfect picture (for the gram) My real ones, I got chu (and i know u got me too) My real ones, U got me too It’s not fun to post anymore What do you want me to see that for? Too many requests to ignore I see you subtweet me 4 days of the week While I’m eating good And flossing my teeth (JERRYCHERRY: yeah) hey I saw your tiktok, are you doing okay? Do we need to talk about it? Time to log off Time to shut this down yeah it’s time to shut down It’s not fun to post anymore What do you want me to see that for? Too many requests to ignore (JERRYCHERRY: delete it!) Ur just toxic, friend We’re just toxic friends It’s Sad China with the green smokes clean on a twist pipe I envy gasoline flow mean, haters get hype my routine’s a dream that you stream subby, subscribe see me on a screen, feel seen? Im a new type right? 假朋友奇怪/Jiǎ péngyǒu qíguài/fake friends are so weird 你说你没咬我 可是 我看到你爱/Nǐ shuō nǐ méi yǎo wǒ kěshì wǒ kàn dào nǐ ài/you say you never bite me but I see that you “like” Looking for no fakes, no snakes The quest Tribe Lose a couple people in my life tonight I just might I set all the protocols you toxic dummies double like I’m my own worst enemy become the toxic in your life… (u’ll say anything for the clout online) Toxic It’s not fun to post anymore What do you want me to see that for? Too many requests to ignore (too many) We gotta We gotta be real Gotta feel Gotta heal U chose ur drugs over me I know ur highs won’t set u free (Go touch grass) It’s time to log off
9.
COVID changed me and my mind lies to me remember our shared past all the good and the bad 谢谢爷爷/xièxiè yéyé/thank you grandpa 谢谢奶奶/xièxiè nǎinai/thank you grandma 你们给了我这么多的爱/nǐmen gěile wǒ zhème duō de ài/you both gave me so much love now i understand where i come from and the women who raised me doors open and now i understand 外公外婆/wàigōng wàipó/my maternal grandparents 我想理解你/wǒ xiang lǐjiě nǐ/i wish to understand you 我想听你说/wǒ xiǎng tīng nǐ shuo/i wish to hear you say 我爱你, 我想你/wǒ ài nǐ, wǒ xiǎng nǐ/i love you, i miss you 永远在我的心里/yǒngyuǎn zài wǒ de xīnlǐ/forever in my heart 永远在我的心/yǒngyuǎn zài wǒ de xīn/forever in my heart
10.
Honestly, what will become of me? Don't like reality It's way too clear to me But, really, life is dandy We are what we don't see We miss everything daydreaming Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end? Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end? Traveling, I only stop at exits Wondering if I'll stay Young and restless Living this way, I stress less I want to pull away when the dream dies The pain sets in, and I don't cry I only feel gravity, and I wonder why Flames to dust (dust) Lovers to friends (friends) Why do all good things come to an end (end)? Flames to dust (dust) Lovers to friends (friends) Why do all good things come to an end? Come to an end, come to an Why do all good things come to an Come to an end, come to an (end) Why do all good things come to an end? The dogs were whistling a new tune Barking at the new moon Hoping it would come soon so that they could Dogs were whistling a new tune Barking at the new moon Hoping it would come soon so that they could Die die die die Flames to dust (dust) Lovers to friends (friends) Why do all good things come to an end? Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end? Come to an end, come to an (end) Why do all good things come to an end (end)? Come to an end (end), come to an (end!) Why do all good things come to an end? Well, the dogs were barking at the new moon Whistling a new tune Hoping it would come soon And the sun was wondering if it should Stay away for a day Till the feeling went away And the sky was falling And the clouds were dropping And the rain forgot how to bring salvation The dogs were barking at the new moon Whistling a new tune Hoping it would come soon So that they could die...

about

covid took so much from us. our world has experienced a tremendous loss; we are collectively grieving. i wanted to give something back & desperately needed to connect with community. from those pieces of me, ilyimy was born. i started listening for my ancestors’ guidance, including my 外公外婆 maternal grandparents in the heavens, whom i never understood because they speak sichuan hua.

my 奶奶爷爷 paternal grandparents were visiting fam in china when the outbreak happened. they flew back to our motherland in dec 2019, the 1st time in years. their return flight was pushed back for 4 months & i didn’t know when they’d return. trump threatened to ban wechat, the only form of communication i had with 奶奶. from jan until their return in aug, i cried almost every night, scared for their health & wellbeing, as well as for relatives i’ve never known due to language, cultural, & technological barriers.

i continued to make art & perform (thx to cerb/crb & thc/cbd). my grandparents raised me when my own parents couldn’t. to me, 爷爷 is my dad as well. i can't bear to lose them right now. this was an intense time of anxiety, frustration, and tears, especially cuz canadians didn’t take covid seriously until basically mid-2020. now that we’re 2 years into this pandemic, i’ve had time to process how traumatic this has all been for me, esp with the ongoing hostility towards asian ppl. i’m grateful to have solidified my friendships from making ilyimy and other art together cuz i really wouldn’t have survived w/o them. working closely w/ experimental electronic artist kerub (aka vi levitt) showed me that a better future is possible, where my talent is recognized, and i belong too. it was an honour to craft 7 out of 10 tracks with them, and we hope to tour western "canada" and "mexico city" together soon. ilyimy is our quarantine album, and i wrote it for you, my community, my ancestors, & my loved ones, including my exes. 外公外婆, 你们永远在我的心里<3

credits

released October 22, 2021

written by sad china (aka sunny chen)
produced by sad china, kerub.bandcamp.com, pseudo-antigone.bandcamp.com, and i am omo
mixed by olivia quan, charlotte duggan, and josh eastman
mastered by caveman masters
with clarasanchez.bandcamp.com (aka desire process), khamisa, adewolf, kerub, yukari*, and JERRYCHERRY

album foto by jenny xu, assisted by alger liang
makeup by paula lanzador
styled by sad china
graphic design by haina wan

made on stolen lands belonging to musqueam, squamish, sto:lo, and tsleil-waututh first nations

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Sad China Vancouver, British Columbia

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i survived too! & we're healing 💞

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